Darren Ambrose, husband, father and scorer of worldies is 7 today. To commemorate Dazza’s special day, the club have laid on a birthday extravaganza for him and all his team mates, the details of which can be found below:
11 AM: Following the conclusion of training, the squad will be entertained in the canteen by Paul Hart, who will use his expert balloon modelling skills to make whatever animals the lads desire. Special extra large ones have been ordered for Joniesta in anticipation of his request for a dinosaur.
12:30 PM: The training pitch will be the venue for the “Alan Mullery Experience” where the boys will be allowed/encouraged to throw/kick whatever they can find at Alan, who will be put in comedy style stocks for the duration.
1:30 PM: A lunch of chicken drumsticks, turkey twizzlers, smiley faces, and beans, followed by jelly and ice cream will be served to the boys.
2:15 PM: Following lunch, the squad will be entertained by comedy duo Neil Warnock and side-kick Keith Curle. They will regail the boys with jokes, wisecracks and tales of yesteryear. The club was unsure if it was a good idea to begin with, but after Neil was quoted as saying he’d “Always wanted to be a stand-up comic since he was only a nipper.” The club gave in to his wishes.
2:45 PM: The celebrations will be rounded off by Shefki Kuqi making a guest appearance to play the lead role in a game of “Pin The Tail On The Donkey”, although he has already been warned that if he decides to flick any of the lads the V sign for putting the pin in too deep, he’ll be out before his feet touch the ground.
3:00 PM: Home time. The players will be picked by their parents/child minders at the front gate.